我其实很久以来都没有好好做research了。
今天整理东西，发现最可怕的是我对研究几乎失去了热情。我曾经以为我是因为对现在该写的文章缺乏激情，等我把这篇弄完，我就可以做我喜欢的课题了。可是今天才发现，对那些我曾经非常感兴趣的题目，我也失去了热情。
我发现，我爱宝宝，爱得失去了自我。
我对于因为恋爱而失去自我这样的事情是很不屑的，是我竭力避免的。我在恋爱当中做到了。我也非常鄙视那些有了孩子就不求上进的女人。但这一回，我陷进去了，爱宝宝爱得失去了自我。我妈妈曾经有一句口头禅：＂笑话人，不如人。＂我也非常不喜欢以孩子作为自己任何事情的借口，但我现在就是在这样做。
想一想真可怕，我真的对很多事情失去了兴趣。白天，除了应付讲课，我现在每天做的＂正经事＂，就是给宝宝写博客，琢磨该给宝宝买什么衣服玩具，周末应该带宝宝去哪里玩。当然，每天早晨和晚上以及整个周末，都是完全献给宝宝的。
也许我应该控制一下？
I was about to wrap up this post and just typed the title. Then I realize, it is probably not that I love my baby too much (seriously, no one has ever, ever said that a mother can love her child too much - isn't the love of a mother for her child infinite?), but the problem is that I don't love myself or life enough. Perhaps I subconciously feel that if I love myself a little more, I'm not a good mother and am not giving my daughter enough love. In theory, I know this shouldn't be a conflict. But in reality, it is difficult to draw the line. For example, if I want to pursue a dream of my own, say run a marathon, then the time for training means time away from my daughter. Since she is happiest when spending time with me, any time I spend away from her (other than usual work hours) is depriving her of the greatest happiness.
Oh well, I have to stop here and go back home now - to feed my daughter dinner, then take her swimming.
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